Troll Batman
by cojoboy
Summary: Evil never sleeps, but neither does justice! Karkat, under the guise of troll batman, must do away with evil doers under the cover of night (unless it's a weekend in which case he's free during day also). Follow karkat as he tries to make his way in the heroing world against the dreaded rouges of Troll Gotham, such as the deranged One-Face, or the disastrous duo, Kattroll & Stable.


_Not to be taken seriously_

* * *

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are sick of OVERUSED HOMESTUCK TROPES and decide to change the WRITING PERSPECTIVE.

Teh origin story:

Karkat Vantas twas but a little grub when the traumatizing incident happened that changed his life forever. It all happened one evening when Karkats lusus (who the author simply refuses to call crabdad) took his little grubbling to a form of entertainment which he heard was popular with the kids these days. This particular form of entertainment also had the most unforboding* name ever devised in Troll Gotham which Karkat lusus foggily remembered was called "The Shadowy Circus"... or something like that. Karkats lusus didn't really spend much time reading the article when using Troll Google. Karkats lusus personally hated clowns but kids liked what their parents hated so Karkats lusus thought doing this made perfect sense.

But enough about that, when Karkat and his lusus finally got there it turned out it was an epic** rap/singing/accordion battle between several juggalo/metallica fans with several amazing*** juggalo/metallica combination accordion classical rap remixes for the ages.

Karkats ears bled**** and Karkat was filled with an infallible rage induced only by the terrible compilation of atrocious sounds which the strange beings called "juggalos" produced.

Karkat raised his adorable little grubby pincer and pointed it up towards the clomphoopherous clowns and said the only thing his puny grubby head could coherently process at the moment.

"YOUR MOTHER IS A ████ ██████ ██████████ █████ AND ███ ██████ ███ ██████ ████ ████ ██ ████████████ █████ INSIDE A ████ █ █████ ████ ███ ██ █ █████████ ███ ███ CAUSING ██████████ ███ ██ ███████ ██ AND THATS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE A DOILY WITH CHOPSTICKS!"

Every sound silenced after the grubs great protest of justice. The leader of this serendipitous gang of up braizen tomfoolery looked down at grub with stoic***** eyes and only paused for a moment before playing the music _even louder_.

It was this day many things happened to Karkat, he now hated clowns with a passion and decided to never swear again as it would only provoke the sacrilegious subjuggulators. He also learned how to make beautiful doilies with a particular eating utensil, but most of all, he decided to take justice into his own hands because darkness never rest. (also Karkats lusus sort of "died" and totally didn't just run away hoping the somber circus, or whatever it was called, would take in Karkat as one of their own).

*le sarcasm **le more sarcasm ***le even more sarcasm ****le literally *****le stoned

* * *

In Teh Troll Batcave:

Karkat was spending an enormously unproductive amount of time brooding, or at least he looked like he was brooding, looking like you're brooding is always a great skill to have and Karkat was wholeheartedly devoted to practicing such an important part of his career.

Karkat was a troll superhero by the way.

…

in case that wasn't immediately obvious.

…

he also dresses up in a batsuit.

Karkat decided he was done with his daily brooding practices and decided to look for something to do around his troll batcave (not his garage! he can't believe how many times he's had to clarify that about his top secret location. just because it looks like he converted his garage into his base of operations doesn't mean he… well he sort of did do that, but it's still a troll batcave!). His neighbor was pretty annoyed with all the noise he made while making this place, yelling something about darn teenagers*. Forget them, don't they understand how much effort heroing business takes!

...

Actually, today's his first day on the job. But it _did_ take a lot of effort to save up enough money to buy all his heroing equipment, y'know, a whole 200 bucks** or something, it's not like his lusus was rich or anything***.

Karkat decided to look at moniter to his satellite controlled evil doer location system, aka, his television. He flipped the channels until he got to the crime channel, crime happened so often in Troll Gotham they had a whole channel devoted to it.

The villain One-Face's one face faced the one camera filming her face which she only had one of.

One-Face! Karkat didn't actually know all that much about One-Face, but he did know she was a notorious villain who needed to be stopped, honestly, red spiky glasses, how more evil can you get!? This was a live broadcast of her evil deeds,meaning there's still time to stop her notorious ways. Quick! to the troll batmobile (not an old car painted black). It's a fight or flight situation and Karkat decided to drive.

Karkat turned on the engine and pressed on the gas pedal in a particularly hard boiled and brooding manner. the car began to-

p'toooooo-

Karkat stopped, and then opened the troll batmobiles door and stepped out. He opened the trunk of the troll batmobile pulling out a _jack****_, a _wrench_ and a _spare tire_. karkat then proceeded to close the trunk of the troll batmobile and took his gracious load of items to the side of the troll batmobile. He then put the jack on the ground underneath the troll batmobile and began twisting it raising the troll batmobile in the air slightly. He took out his wrench and undid the lug nuts attaching the tire to the car. His hand reached over and pulled off the tire. He then replace the tire with spare and tightened the lug nuts back on. Karkat then undid the jack and then put away his supplies before getting back in the troll batmobile

It's a fight or flight situation and Karkat decided to drive. Karkat pressed on the gas pedal in a particularly hard boiled and brooding manner. the car began to drive! Drive… to justice!

…

Right after he gets gas on the way there.


End file.
